A setting fit for an emperor

THERE'S something about London hotels that I cannot fathom. Theyeither have the service right and the style wrong or the other wayaround, but very few of them have it all in sync. As the city has been welcoming holidaying visitors for more than150 years, you would think they might have worked out the formula.One of the oldest hotels in London, the Langham Hotel, seems to beaware of this shortcoming and has broken away from the pack, albeit with a few oddities. It has learnt much from its cavalcade of famous guests. Napoleonspent much of his enforced exile from France here in a firstfloorsuite. Others include Mark Twain, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Noel Coward, and Mrs Wallis Simpson, who stayed here during her courtship with Edward VIII. Advertisement: Story continues below The Langham must still have its magic because Madonna loves itand recently launched her new fashion collection in the hotel's Artesian bar. Most new hip watering holes in London draw thecelebrity crowd for a nanosecond before they scamper on to the nextone that is going to offer them free Moscow Mules and tabloidcoverage. Artesian, it appears, has more longevity than that. It's notsuperexclusive you can walk in off the street which means nooverweight and undereloquent bouncers denying entry to anyone whoisn't Vogue beautiful, at No.1 on the charts, or Jordan and Peter Andre. Also, the place is not dripping in gold, nor is it jet black andso dark you stumble over the ottomans and spill gin fizz all overfootballers' wives. Instead, it smacks of a French salon with hintsof an absinthe age. I don't know if the designer, David Collins,was trying to evoke vaguely hedonistic memories of Oscar Wilde are gular former Langham guest but you do get the sense that theold rogue would approve. There is a purple and mauve colour theme, the most Rosetta Stone Hindi strikingexamples of which are the butterflies painted onto well, into,really the tables. Behind the bar is a big, mirrored and Asianthemed wall where the bottles glisten invitingly underminiature pagodastyle roofs. In many ways Artesian doesn't fit the London scene and that's what makes it good. It hasn't followed, it has led plus the staffare polite, quick and they know their cocktails. Rum is the basedrink of choice, a big shift from vodka, which was the stapletipple of the Artesian's predecessor. The barwoman mixing my Good Night Chihuahua (yes, really) was ablur as she worked her arms independently like a cocktail Kali.Once I had drunk it, I was a blur, too. Madonna also stayed here after her fashion launch, booking thepremier Infinity Suite, which must be one of the most extravagantin the city. The idea was to create a lavish innercity apartment. For thisneck of the woods, right in the heart of London, about afiveminute walk from Oxford Circus and Regent Street, the space isvast at 236 square metres. The suite comes with all the essentials the modern head of stateor celebrity needs: bombproof windows, CCTV, panic alarms, privatebutler service, and an Infinity bath that projects differentcoloured lights to soothe you (a treatment known aschromatherapy). Now, for those oddities. If you don't want to spend a fortuneeating out in London, then you might want to pick one of the roomsin the Langham Club, a separate section of the hotel where you haveaccess to two relaxing lounges (one nonsmoking). They serveallday snacks and drinks, so you can sip Laurent Perrier champagneand eat canapes instead of taking out a second mortgage for a mealat the Ivy.

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